29/07/2011

This has been the hardest month of my life, it has now been 5 weeks since everything, and every day it hurts just as much. The tears aren't coming daily like they were in the initial 14 days, yet when they do they are painful, migrane inducing ones, that make me need to sleep for hours after. Everywhere I look someone is pregnant, people who I didnt know were have now gotten into their second trimester and are telling the world, everytime I see a baby its agonising, and I can't see how it gets better. I want to be happy and more carefree (after house/job responsibilities) like I was 4 months ago, but I feel i've lost so much of myself and don't how to start gaining it back. My body is taking a while to get back to its shape, inevitably my stomach is still swollen and holding weight, I need it to get back to normal soon because it's the most emotional headfuck imaginable, what was my early pregnancy stomach, is just now my body holding onto weight as it's not back to normal.

If anyone knows any way to get myself back, to get my body back quicker (and im excercising so much).. or a way to make me feel whole again instead of like a chunk of me is missing I crave the advice. I feel distraught, bitter at those who have what I lost, angry all the time, and this isn't the way I want to feel, I just can't shake it.

I'm not me anymore, I thought it' would be getting slightly easier by now, everyone has said it will, but every day its getting more and more painful and this doesn't feel like my life now.

Help.