Curtain Call

If life were a book the chapter would be drawing to a close here.

This short chapter of my life certainly hasn't been a dull one, or an easy one, but it has been a life changing one. I have experienced the hardest thing i've ever had to go through and am only today starting to feel like i'm pulling through.

From today I am writting a new chapter, and I don't for one second beleive it will be easy, or that I will wake up one day and have laid all my pain to rest, however I know the  positive progress  that I am making by even trying to tie up the ends. 

I feel that my limbo has finally ended, with my body now back to normal and my figure starting to look more and more like its old self there is no more looking back, only forward. Daily there are still difficult personal struggles, but I am starting to experience occasions when my mind has other things in the forefront of my brain, and have accepted that if this hadn't have happened earlier there would have been complications later.. my heart is taking it's time, but very slowly its starting to catch up.

Funnily enough I wrote my Dear Self post all about what I would tell my future self to enable me to be strong, and took note of life experiences that I think to this day have made me a stronger person; if only i'd have known within a few weeks i'd be finding out I was pregnant and would subsequently have to suffer a miscarriage that almost tore me apart. I wrote about how all I wanted to do was marry my partner and have a family with him, that at 23 I knew I was to be with him forever. Through the joy of finding out we were pregnant and then the agony of loosing our baby not once has our love suffered, the rollercoaster we've been through has only cemented our relationship and future together.

What I have learned throughout this whole process is that life is short, unfair and emotions are pleanty. My motto 'Life is to short for endless plans and worries, just be' has never been more applicable to me than for this next chapter of my life, to truly move on with my life and not follow a destructive path will need me to focus on the positivity of my situations, to not worry about the future and more emportantly than all else to just go with my life, with my partner and for one day to end up with the family we are both more than ready for.

And so on to the next chapter, goodbye to the pain, the anger and to the part of me that will always be missing. On to the future filled with love, happiness, new experiences and to one day having truly moved on.

I will always have a place in my heart especially for you, my suprise, my first, but today I need to say goodbye to you, my darling.