2011 has been incredibly hard to get through, the most devastating, heartbreaking days that I couldn't see how I would get through, my somehow my partner and I managed. Many of the struggles we've faced this past year we haven't even spoken to many about, and have just tried to stay positive and move on in privately.
This past year our love has grown stronger through loosing our first baby.. to loosing the two pregnancies that followed, each time making us stronger and more determined of how much we wanted to be together. In September we bought a beautiful little puppy after I suffered a second loss, she has gotten me through the most difficult days, and she has been there for us to love and nurture, and put all our extra love into which I think has been a great healer.
December saw Mr Bean and I celebrating our anniversary, at the most magical time of the year; we are the spirit of Christmas, everything about this time of year is magical, our meeting, our anniversary.. and this year with a terribly romantic proposal! My Fiance and I have spent our first Christmas together as an engaged couple.. and possibly our last Christmas together before we are married. We are so excited to plan our wedding, a small homely, festive, winter affair for all our family and friends to enjoy. I cant wait to start planning, we are hoping this coming December.. watch this space.
Even with this new year I still have a few personal hurdles I need to overcome, my birthday is this month, and my due date would have been a few days later, so there is a lot of heartache still floating around thinking about how I should be preparing for the little life to arrive, but I think for myself personally once I get past this date that feels so significant to me I can start to mend. All I have wanted for the latter half of 2011 was for the year to be over, at one point I struggled to see a day where I wouldn't be crying due to everything, and it has only been since November that I've started to feel okay. The year that I wanted to forget and turn my back on has ended up being brutal, honest and ended in the most magical way; and we even have a little secret, that I hope can be revealed..
To everyone who has gotten me through this year, I appreciate your love and support and truly wouldn't have managed without you.
I'm so looking forward to this year, the coming months and planning the rest of our lives together. To the finale of one year, and to the beginning of the next, let's see what you have in store. Let's get wedding planning! X
These are not resolutions, but things that will benefit me that I'm determined to stick to.
- I will embrace every good day; and try to stay positive on those that are tougher.
- I will spend countless hours laughing with my families; telling them how much I love them and how much I appreciate them.
- Mr Bean and I will enjoy planning our wedding and just let it roll naturally, minimal stress and enjoy the feeling of being engaged.
- Every day I will love Mr Bean more and more, and every day I will look at him and know I have found the most supportive, caring, man in the world who I want to spend my whole life with and hope that one day we can manage to have the children that we deserve.
- I like to document the struggles, reading back over the last few posts is healing.
