Oscars

The oscars, looking through the gowns there wasn't many general faux-pas, problem was there also weren't many that excited me. I wanted something special to look at and so four below are my personal favourites.

Michelle Williams: Chanel

Hailee Steinfeld: Marchesa

Cate Blanchet: Givenchy Haute Couture

And finally my favourte for it's simplicity, stunning colour and far to beautiful model

Mila kunis: Elie Saab, Haute Couture

Whitney Port.
Legs that are as long as a giraffes neck and hair as luscious as a godess. She's so cute (if cute means utterly gorgeous, with the body of a model, and great clothes! Envious is an complete understatement) and seems lovely?!

1. I test drove a brand new car! There's no way I can afford one, but I've scoped out one I like when my dear little one needs trading in, it's been my companion since I passed 5 years ago but when I can afford it I have a more up to date adult car in mind.
2. I watched how to loose a guy in 10 days, personally not a great film and I'm not a rom-com type girl however on a Sunday afternoon it fit my mood perfectly, and I'm in love with Kate Hudson's dress, the shape is to die for!
3. I got to spend lots of time with my boy today, after he got in from football we had lunch, went to test drive my lovely hopefully one day car, and spent the afternoon watching TV alone.
4. I've been paid! Yes its all allocated, and yes I only have about £50 to spend until next month, but my account is no longer at £5.37! (I get to buy new shampoo & tights!)
5. I've had a lovely relaxing weekend, seeing family and spending time with my boy, tidying our flat, taking a haul of clothes to the clothing bank, having a lie in and generally not rushing around. Now hes playing on the xbox and I'm catching up with blogs and looking at sites for lovely clothes (I will need to save up, but ive had a few new bits since christmas so can't complain).

Maybe this is a good idea, 5 lovely happenings!

Monthly Tasks: March

1. Visit the Yohji Yamamoto at the V&A: LOVE!! (12 March - 10 July 2011)
2. Visit a castle, manor house or some sort of architectural building and take lots of photographs
3. Take at least 2 Polaroid photos (which will in someway describe my month)
4. Finally get round to photographing and selling things on eBay
5. Save up to purchase a new snap shot digital camera (may continue into april)
6. Research things to do for the partners birthday/presents (and save save save also april)
7. Visit London (financially same day as v&a would be ideal)!
8. Start a project (be it fashion, photography, housework)
9. Update more on this blog (and change layout if i can work out html enough)
10. Start and complete one book
11. Make one from scratch dinner from a recipe book
12. Get my first haircut at a salon (seriously never have) & have a change with my hair as its in a massive rut
13. Continue to swim each week 
14. Start using Wii Fit  again, at least 3 times a week!

I think this is a list enough for March, there'll be a lot of saving over the next few months, and few of these have a cost other than a ticket entrance, electricity and petrol.

So keep reading to see what tasks I come up with, how many more get added to my list and how many don't get accomplished.

After my last post, I decided to try to sort out my blog, I've created a separate space for those days when I just want to write every thought out of my head, those private ones that unless you confront will appear when your sitting in traffic, trying to concentrate at work, or even watching a programme with a similar story line.
I have a few old posts that are with this theme, but this is going forward I will try to divide things up.
I want this blog to be about my life, things I  experience, things I long to do, inspiration, guilty pleasures, and too keep the thoughts that I need to pour out of my head in a place where I can type until my fingers ache and not affect 'my happy things'.

I've decided to start a few regular things on this blog, to  keep me posting more regularly (as I do love it), to stay restless, keep my mind happy and not worry about the stresses of life which I can't control, and to get my creativity back (which I really seem to have lost). 


I've made lists forever, and  I decided I need to make a Monthly Tasks list. I've seen a few people make a list of things they want to do in the next 24 months, and the 10 things that make me happy (excellent idea), but this is a list of things I want to accomplish every month.I've always gotten restless, as a child I wanted to do everything, try everything once, and as an adult i'm still following that thought. I want to visit everywhere, see everything! Money permitting I imagine id be constantly in a different country experiencing culture and photographing EVERYTHING. I just want to see the world! I have no extra money to spend, so these tasks have to be reasonable things I can accomplish, things to experience both individually and with my partner, things to bring back my creative mind and to inspire me.

I have countless 'bucket lists' of things I want to tick off before I die (in truth more of a two year bucket list, as if it went on longer i'd probably piss myself off in annoyance- i'm impatient and want everything now ha) but i'm hoping this monthly bucket list will make me focus my energy in the right places, whilst trying to sort my career and keep my mind off financial problems. If it makes me less restless, happier and have more energy I will have succeeded.

I will also be borrowing the happy idea, 5 lovely happenings, concentrating on good things to happen even when i'm having one of those days. Sometimes I get hung up on the bad things, and I need to give it a break a bit, it's stressing me out that I can't seem to change the situations at the moment. Hopefully this'll give the headaches a rest
I will be continuing to update my Bucket Lists (most probably with new places I've decided I need to go to in my life) and my Inspiration.

I will get my creativity back, and I will push life's worries out of my head a bit.
Here's to taking a lot more photos, ticking off lots of things on my lists and waiting for the inevitably cold summer!

=)




Of late my head just feels full of dilemmas, my job doesn't fill me with joy or even sound as great as it is, I want to be doing something I feel inspired to do (doesn't everyone), but don't know what that is.

I come home from work and hold no inspiration to do anything creative, I have the skills, I have enough imagination from time to time but I just get home and slump.

I look at a pile of washing up in the kitchen and just sigh, I notice the carpet needs hoovering, I sigh, I look at my clothes scattered on the bedroom floor like a child and sigh. Don't get me wrong my home is actually fairly tidy and clean but there is always a list of things that need doing, even if you do them every evening, always a list!

So I get in from work feeling completely uninspired and wait until my partner gets home, he makes me smile, and we watch something, or fool around, make dinner together. This is the best part of my day, the time that I spend with him (not including seeing mine and his family), then its off to bed to start the day all over again.

I know in the climate im lucky to have a job, and i'm not naive enough to think any job will be perfect, but I just want to have a reason to get up in the morning, to bounce out of bed and be thinking, 'hey im quite looking forward to going to work today'. Maybe its my personality, I always crave things, change, doing things, I want to go away on cheap flights just to see cities for the day, if im sitting home I want to be out doing something, going for a walk, taking photo's, I sit at work thinking I need to do this, but as soon as the days over i'm exhausted and just want to slump, which aggravates me as I don't find it fun, but lack the energy to do much else.

I clearly need motivation, probably always have, I have a lot when it comes to some things then something will knock my confidence and i'll become unmotivated with anything for a while and let things get me down. Being this way bores me and I try to change, and it's near impossible, changing the way you've always been!

So I want to wake up in the mornings and not dread making the journey to work, to wake up and not feel groggy all day, exhausted, blue, I have really happy days where I just think about happy things, but these aren't as frequent as i'd like them to be, and its aggravating feeling this way when I in no way have any reason to feel blue.

I feel so old at 23 (i've only been 23 a month!), I have all these responsibilities and bills coming out, yet I don't have anywhere near the job financially to support this, i'm not asking to earn a lot, just a little bit more would be the most helpful thing in the world. Working hard everyday (happy or not) and having almost all come out on bills/travel/food, with little left over is a guaranteed reason to feel glum. I don't want expendable income, i'd just like to be able to go to a gig, out for dinner, a few drinks or even treat myself to a piece of clothing (lower end price) without having to either justify why i'm spending it, or having to split the cost over a month or two (no joke). 

I know some people at 23 are a lot further ahead in their lives than I am, engaged/married/kid/mortgage, but sometimes I wonder if i'm growing up to quickly. Retracted, I never feel i'm growing up to quickly, living with my partner is natural and I would change this for the world, being in a serious relationship I would NEVER change, I can't really explain what I mean, maybe its all money based and i'm just envious of some folk I know, who live at home, earn more and can just do things. I crave doing!

Phew.

I need to find the motivation in my life again, and whether or not I enjoy what I do in this job or another I need to have motivation when I get home, find my creativity and sparkle again, and not let things get on top to much, getting up for a job I didnt like would be great if I knew i'd be earning enough to warrant that, or getting up for a job I loved and being paid little would also.

I'm not moaning really, I do love my family, I love my partner, I love our home, just every now and then I wonder if i'm going to miss out on things due to money, a few days holiday with my partner and a few friends would be great, i've never been away with friends before, I wouldn't want to do it without him, as everything I want to do includes him, but sometimes I feel him being older, and him being where he was at my age  (home, working- not earning loads but being at home allowing for money to do things with his friends), and we're at such completely different places. I don't want to miss out on fun adventures before I get to old, or have more responsibilities with children.

I realise this is a complete contradiction of the post I last wrote "you pile up enough tomorrows and you'll find you've collected a lot of empty yesterdays" - i'm worried it'll be tomorrow and I won't have done the things that are important to me that I experience. I say grab life by the balls, but how when everything costs money.

I hate feeling blue and it's becoming an increasingly regular habit!

*Added: I put on half a stone in a week, i'm now nearing my heaviest weight again,  I don't know how, I don't know why, i'm not really eating any differently  (or comfort eating), or doing anything differently. 

Currently I just feel like a (newly) 23 year old, skint, uninterested, unmotivated frump and it kind of kills me thinking this way. 

Any idea how to get out of this?
And on the flip side, despite banging on about responsibility, money, being young, doing things, part of me just wants to start a family with my partner, get married, get a house and a dog. 
Why do I contradict myself ALL the time?  
I need the results instantaneously all the time! 
Messhead.

He makes me smile more than anything despite this, I would marry him tomorrow if i could, and I can't wait to get home to him tonight, he won't know what will have hit him with the amount of cuddles he'll receive.

"You pile up enough tomorrows and you'll find you've collected a lot of empty yesterdays" 

Professor Harold Hill

'Grab life by the balls' so to say, everything is uncertain, especially the job and housing market currently, but if we can't let go and live life now while we're young when can we? Agreed its still possible with responsibilities, but so much easier now. If I had money (alas I dont), i'd travel travel travel with my partner, seeing, experiencing, photographing the wonders of the world! I'd love to be able to tell tales to my children of how glorious they were when I visited, and hope that they'd still be the same when they were old enough. In my life I've never had the chance to travel, many haven't and its all I seem to crave now. Places inspire me, architecture inspires me, I want to jump on a plane and see it all now!

God I hate being broke and having bills haha!

Rio de Janeiro

Japan

Maldives

Paris

Peru

Rome

Thailand

Venice

Not much to ask? These places I will visit before I die

(Paris needs to be visited again, and Cuba always!)

I'm in love with everything this photo represents, and every emotion it makes me feel. If ever there is a reminder, this is it.

As a fashion student there was nothing I found more inspiring than photography, catwalks didn't do much for me, neither did designers, i've always got 'the buzz' from enviable fashion photography. I've always wanted to study both fashion design and fashion photography, I love both, and without the photography inspiration I don't know where I would have found it. It varied from the bloom books found in my college, to the editorials in fashion magazines. I wish I knew where I found all these images, i've had them saved on my computer for about 3 years, there eqsuisite! Theres sometimes nothing better than a sulltry, dark photo.

I need copies of these in my flat. Stunning, looking at them again makes my head start buzzing with ideas already!



16.2.11

Jeez! It's literally been one of those days where anything possible that could go wrong at work has gone wrong! It's put me in a great shitty mood, isn't it shit when your hierarchy blame all on the lower folk! I won't go into detail, but suffice to say it's been an absolute shit of a day!! I'm counting down the last 12 minutes until I can go home, change into PJ's, catch up on ANTM and watch trash for the rest of the evening.

I have some 'happy thoughts' i've been thinking of all day to try and get me through, and I think i'll have to be using them up until the weekend

1. Adele

She is beautiful! Her voice is exquisite, I wish I could go see her (didn't know she was touring until it'd sold out). Her new song always makes me feel like I want to cry ha!

2. My Home

I love my little home I share with my partner, I wish the flat could be a beautiful little house with a garden so I could have a little dog, but it's too beautiful to warrant looking for anywhere until absolutely necessary!

3. Kings of Leon (summer in hyde park)

I've loved them forever! All the way from way back when, from album one until now, I can't wait, it'll be the first time!

4. Foo Fighters (summer in mk bowel)

Enough said.

5. Saving for a holiday (the savings going rubbishly, and we have no idea if/where we can go)

I'd happily go back to Cuba, last year was the first time i'd been abroad on holiday and it was the greatest holiday I could ask for. The beach felt like pure luxury, turquoise water, golden sands! Think i've found my summer destination again.

6. Lazy Weekends (i'm owed one, it's been ages)

February 14th

I'm not a valentines fanatic (however I must state I am a total romantic), never have been wether i've been in or out of a relationship. Last year was my first valentines that I felt there a reason as to why it existed (also the first year I was with my partner), he came home with the most beautiful bunch of  flowers which he spent his lunch picking at a florists! Despite us having already discussed not getting eachother anything (we got cards and wrote loving words instead- funnily enough the exact same card which still makes us laugh), however receiving this bunch of flowers felt amazing, reason being only a few weeks earlier he'd bought me a bunch to congratulate me on a new job, and bought this second bouquet as it was now something special we shared, I never having received them, him never having given them. They made our little flat look beautiful (I did tell him off for spending the money though).

We went out for dinner last night however, to a little restaurant that we went to on a spur evening out sometime last year. We went for a meal to treat ourselves and celebrate us. Treats are a fairly  rare occurrence, spending money on work expenses, house expenses, we usually stay in together, see friends, try not to spend money, which we inevitably never have. We often do romantic little gestures for eachother, and so the feeling of 'having' to at valentines doesn't even play a part in our minds, we enjoy spending time together, doing spontaneous things, showing how much we care on a daily basis, so that throughout the whole year any one of these days could be valentines for all anyone would know. Ive always been a firm believer that if you love someone, you want to show them every day, not just on one commercial day, but thinking about it the commercial day is just for fun, give your loved one a soppy card despite them knowing how much you care, treat yourself to a night at the cinema or a long walk because you want to spoil yourself and do something fun for the day, make time to do something when you usually don't. I don't agree with buying mindless presents (personally), as i'd rather us contribute our money to have an experience, go somewhere for the day, or buy something for our home, this seems so much more romantic, and something that we'll remember.

Single or in a couple I think this day should be for about making time for your loved ones and showing them you care, whether it be partner, closest friends or  family (I have in the past given a valentines card to my parents, just to show how much I love them). Every single person should put on something pretty and celebrate loving yourself! (and someone else if there lucky enough to have your love)!

To my one and only Love; I would never be able to express the extent of what I feel

February 14th

This film was enchanting when I was younger, released in 1997, I was only 9 at the time and loved the story of the two cousins finding the fairies and photographing them. Having not seen this film in years, all of a sudden I have this urge to watch it again, get lost in the magical idea that this could have actually happened.

I love the fairy house they made, I love the story, I love the magic, I love the feeling the film evokes.

February 11th

I am so into ANTM, something about it makes me feel so creative! I think I watched up to series 8 or something religiously, and then whilst at uni (student digs) got out of the loop and started re-watching at series 13.

I rarely care who wins, and don't often care for the drama of the show, but watching the girls get makeovers, the theatrical makeup, hair, styling, the end photo, I love it! I want to be part of that world (behind not infront of the camera)

Two of my favourite contestants are Nicole and Shandi, I love their awkward presence, but absolute beauty! Shandi after her makeover looked so beautiful! Nicole from the begging was exquisite and I fell in love with her long red wavy hair from the moment I saw her. She is the most stunning girl I think that's been on there, there's just something about her. Onto the current series, I think Ann will be a soon favourite, following in this trend.. her photos are astounding, there's something beautiful about her, but she's so awkward any time other than when she's infront of the camera

Two of my favourite photos

Oh I can't wait till Monday to see what photos come up next! Maybe they can go back to more simple elegance like the one above soon, all the photoshopping gets a little to much sometimes (only sometimes, it's incredible what they create) wouldn't it be great to have a photo as great as this of yourself?  Jealous much..?!

February 4th

I don't know why I feel in a rut, I still haven't figured it out. This week all I've felt like doing is sleeping when I get in, exhausted, bad skin, just feeling a bit blue and the weather definitely isn't helping. The only thing that's making me happy in my current state is spending time with my family, and staying in the warm indoors with my mr. On the other side of the blue i'm feeling quite lovey and romantic, and want to do special things, and go for little adventures with my loved one, but without the funds to spare for anything I just need to have a brainstorm and think of warm, lovely things to do, and drink a lot of redbull beforehand. Not quite sure why i'm feeling so loved up and everything (dont get me wrong I always do, and always feel the luckiest girl due to my boyfriend), but at the moment i'm feeling a large additional amount of extra love. Maybe its both of us being broke, stuck indoors due to funds, and the cold and both being completely worn out from work that's making me want to spend more quality time doing lovely things, making more lovely memories. 2010 was hands down the best year of my life (and the last month of 09 meeting my partner), and i'm probably craving this one to be as great, even though we're only a month in! I want to go to Paris, and walk to the Eiffel tower, pass the extraordinary architecture, and have the romantic trip there which i've always longed (ive been on an art trip with school, beautiful but not the same), and I want to wander down the streets of Venice, admiring the buildings, the fashion, mushy mushy :)

A personal one for my partner, I love this film, it only makes me think of him, so incredibly romantic how there eyes catch eachothers, I remember when we first caught eachothers, a strange, funny, romantic story.

I love him far more than words. If romance will get me through my slump, romance it is :)