February 4th

I don't know why I feel in a rut, I still haven't figured it out. This week all I've felt like doing is sleeping when I get in, exhausted, bad skin, just feeling a bit blue and the weather definitely isn't helping. The only thing that's making me happy in my current state is spending time with my family, and staying in the warm indoors with my mr. On the other side of the blue i'm feeling quite lovey and romantic, and want to do special things, and go for little adventures with my loved one, but without the funds to spare for anything I just need to have a brainstorm and think of warm, lovely things to do, and drink a lot of redbull beforehand. Not quite sure why i'm feeling so loved up and everything (dont get me wrong I always do, and always feel the luckiest girl due to my boyfriend), but at the moment i'm feeling a large additional amount of extra love. Maybe its both of us being broke, stuck indoors due to funds, and the cold and both being completely worn out from work that's making me want to spend more quality time doing lovely things, making more lovely memories. 2010 was hands down the best year of my life (and the last month of 09 meeting my partner), and i'm probably craving this one to be as great, even though we're only a month in! I want to go to Paris, and walk to the Eiffel tower, pass the extraordinary architecture, and have the romantic trip there which i've always longed (ive been on an art trip with school, beautiful but not the same), and I want to wander down the streets of Venice, admiring the buildings, the fashion, mushy mushy :)

A personal one for my partner, I love this film, it only makes me think of him, so incredibly romantic how there eyes catch eachothers, I remember when we first caught eachothers, a strange, funny, romantic story.

I love him far more than words. If romance will get me through my slump, romance it is :)

January 21st

I feel like i'm stuck in a massive rut, i'm so bored with everything going on and craving something new. I always want to be busying myself with something or being somewhere, but I can't afford it, after paying out my rents and bills there isn't enough left over to really be doing anything, and I dont even go out or drink. Last year was an exceptional year, i've never had a great year, every month something great happened, ever month my boyfriend and I, friends, family, multitude of people seemed to be doing something or other, and it kept me from being bored. I need a task, a challenge, a project.. I know its not even a month after Christmas, so moneys tighter than usual, its my birthday on Sunday and im not excited for that. I shouldn't be moaning, I have things great, i've just always felt like this since I can remember, every year ive wanted to be doing things, experiencing things.. blahblah.

Maybe its just the post Christmas-January blues, maybe its I need to be more excited career-wise, who knows. I always feel your never allowed to glum or in a rut if you have things okay.. 

I'm really missing my holiday, its the first time i've had a holiday abroad and the first for my boyfriend and I (except for weekend trips), I liked exploring and being somewhere different, obviously Cuba has it great points, it's secluded, half way across the world, stunning (think white sands, turquoise beaches if you've never been), it absolutely blew my mind! Maybe it's my town, it's a dive that has nothing going for it, it's often on the tv as one of the worst towns in the UK, and when I moved away to uni, I promised myself i'd never come back, I never wanted to, obviously like most I ended up back here, and I know I wont be here forever, as my boyfriend and I will one day move closer to his work, and to London, but the whole place depresses me!! There is no life, atmosphere, anything special, just a lot of too angry- continually drinking and fighting folk, who dont even try to find jobs!

Rant over, don't really know what the whole reason for feeling like this is, I think I just have cabin fever and need to be traveling the country doing mindless things like when your a teenager (i'll fill my weekends with this from now on).

Also on a different.. facebook drives me crazy, I logged on today (been a while), I can't begin to state my dislike for it now, its full of old old photos on everyones pages from years ago, folk noone want to remember, times that were so bad photographs are worse than the memories. If I didnt use it to look at the photos from the last year (I only have them from them now) it'd so be gone. phew.. I know 'moaner' right.

I'll happily go back here (note: first day, and yes I am transparent)

I know i'll have a great weekend with my boyfriend and family though, so maybe my moods lifting :)

Maybe I just need to get out of this town (although I love our little home) with him and go somewhere different just us for a day or so, he seems to be the only one to lift me from this mood at the moment.

Blue Monday

 I just heard on the radio that it's blue Monday, fitting really with the ridiculous monsoon I had to get to work in!I finally got there 20 minutes late, the early bus didn't show, and the normal timed bus (which gets me to work on time) was late! Added a passenger started arguing with the bus driver about the fare when we were 15 minutes away, bus driver refused to move until he shut up.. blahblah.. LATE!

Good news is I have a giant redbull sitting next to me, ready to get me through the day.

Recent Cons:

-The internet in my flat doesn't seem to ever want to work! Internet + sky + mac = no go. Intermittent and completely non-existent when necessary. -I'm 23 at the weekend, the age scares me! Not even considered a juvenile adult anymore, lame.

-I don't get paid until Monday 31st Jan and i'm currently broke! Added in my birthday at the weekend and i'm going to have no pennies to do anything, great timing.

-I've run out of clothes to wear to work, working in a fashion company full of glamorous, tall, skinny, perfection (maybe an slight exaggeration, there are some normal folk) with no idea what to wear causes a headache.

-As previously stated everyone (not everyone) at my work dresses impeccably, has perfect hair, and is tall and slim, why am I the one (there's a few but not many more) exception?

-My flat looks so empty without the Christmas tree

Recent Pros:
-Went to see 127 hours at the weekend with my boyfriend and some friends, it was great, better than I expected and we were all really proud of all his work that he put into it (pretty awesome seeing his name in the credits)

-Had a lovely little weekend with my friends and boyfriend

-Flats tidy again: yay!
-Online food shopping is on its way tonight, greatest invention of 2000's I think, thankyou mr tesco man

-I have so many things to sell on ebay- if I ever get round to putting them on, hopefully  I might make at least a tenner! That makes me £10 richer thankyou!

-Americas next top model tonight: cycle 15, has it gone slightly overboard? I adore the amazing photoshoots

-Glee.. I hate it, I love it, I hate it (I hate the singing), I love to hate watching it and it amuses me

I'm going to sit and dream of summer holidays, a nice way to get through the work day

Note: My mood didn't get any better, and all in all not a great day!