This has been the hardest month of my life, it has now been 5 weeks since everything, and every day it hurts just as much. The tears aren't coming daily like they were in the initial 14 days, yet when they do they are painful, migrane inducing ones, that make me need to sleep for hours after. Everywhere I look someone is pregnant, people who I didnt know were have now gotten into their second trimester and are telling the world, everytime I see a baby its agonising, and I can't see how it gets better. I want to be happy and more carefree (after house/job responsibilities) like I was 4 months ago, but I feel i've lost so much of myself and don't how to start gaining it back. My body is taking a while to get back to its shape, inevitably my stomach is still swollen and holding weight, I need it to get back to normal soon because it's the most emotional headfuck imaginable, what was my early pregnancy stomach, is just now my body holding onto weight as it's not back to normal.
If anyone knows any way to get myself back, to get my body back quicker (and im excercising so much).. or a way to make me feel whole again instead of like a chunk of me is missing I crave the advice. I feel distraught, bitter at those who have what I lost, angry all the time, and this isn't the way I want to feel, I just can't shake it.
I'm not me anymore, I thought it' would be getting slightly easier by now, everyone has said it will, but every day its getting more and more painful and this doesn't feel like my life now.
Help.
aww this is so sad I really feel your pain although I have never been in this position I sort of know how it feels if you get my meaning.
ReplyDeleteI so wish you all the best for the future and that this terrible time will end and you will come out the other side and things will get better. As they say time is a great healer and I know thats not easy to think now but it definitely does help.
My thoughts are with you and I really hope things gets better soon.
Lisa-Jane
xx
Thankyou for the comment on my blog hun.
ReplyDeleteI know this won't help much but my friend who lost her daughter, lost her in labour, she was destroyed by it and I didn't think she'd ever recover, as you must be feeling now it's a harrowing time and nothing anyone can say seems to help; this was about two years ago and my friend and her husband now have a happy and healthy son and whilst she is always thinking of her daughter (she always says she has two children to anyone who asks) she is living a happy and fulfilled life with her son. You'll never forget this experience and I'm sure it will haunt you for a long time but you WILL get through it and you will be ok, you will have the family you so clearly want and deserve. Allow yourself time to heal, and grieve, there's no time limit and you can take as long as you need to. We're all here to support you and we're all thinking of you and sending our love xxxxxxxx