January 21st

I feel like i'm stuck in a massive rut, i'm so bored with everything going on and craving something new. I always want to be busying myself with something or being somewhere, but I can't afford it, after paying out my rents and bills there isn't enough left over to really be doing anything, and I dont even go out or drink. Last year was an exceptional year, i've never had a great year, every month something great happened, ever month my boyfriend and I, friends, family, multitude of people seemed to be doing something or other, and it kept me from being bored. I need a task, a challenge, a project.. I know its not even a month after Christmas, so moneys tighter than usual, its my birthday on Sunday and im not excited for that. I shouldn't be moaning, I have things great, i've just always felt like this since I can remember, every year ive wanted to be doing things, experiencing things.. blahblah.

Maybe its just the post Christmas-January blues, maybe its I need to be more excited career-wise, who knows. I always feel your never allowed to glum or in a rut if you have things okay.. 

I'm really missing my holiday, its the first time i've had a holiday abroad and the first for my boyfriend and I (except for weekend trips), I liked exploring and being somewhere different, obviously Cuba has it great points, it's secluded, half way across the world, stunning (think white sands, turquoise beaches if you've never been), it absolutely blew my mind! Maybe it's my town, it's a dive that has nothing going for it, it's often on the tv as one of the worst towns in the UK, and when I moved away to uni, I promised myself i'd never come back, I never wanted to, obviously like most I ended up back here, and I know I wont be here forever, as my boyfriend and I will one day move closer to his work, and to London, but the whole place depresses me!! There is no life, atmosphere, anything special, just a lot of too angry- continually drinking and fighting folk, who dont even try to find jobs!

Rant over, don't really know what the whole reason for feeling like this is, I think I just have cabin fever and need to be traveling the country doing mindless things like when your a teenager (i'll fill my weekends with this from now on).

Also on a different.. facebook drives me crazy, I logged on today (been a while), I can't begin to state my dislike for it now, its full of old old photos on everyones pages from years ago, folk noone want to remember, times that were so bad photographs are worse than the memories. If I didnt use it to look at the photos from the last year (I only have them from them now) it'd so be gone. phew.. I know 'moaner' right.

I'll happily go back here (note: first day, and yes I am transparent)

I know i'll have a great weekend with my boyfriend and family though, so maybe my moods lifting :)

Maybe I just need to get out of this town (although I love our little home) with him and go somewhere different just us for a day or so, he seems to be the only one to lift me from this mood at the moment.